Ever Wondered Why

Ever Wondered Why.....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you never see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviation" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do a "Practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Microsoft Windows?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "New & Improved" flavour?

Why Noah didn't swat those two darned mosquitoes?

Why they use a sterilized needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments, when they are all stuck together?

Why they call an airport "The Terminal", if flying is so safe?

AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:-

On a popular hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn it, that's the only time I have to dry my hair).

On a bag of Crisps: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary - Details inside.
(A shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion!)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late now!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought?...)

On packaging for a Tesco iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But, wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents, if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those dumper trucks.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because?)

On some brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody help me out on this one!)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an Airline's packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Who'd of thought it?)

I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening then?)

Negative responses would be appreciated.

Thank you (Ed)

I work with a guy, can only be mid forties and for some reason he has taken it upon himself to grow what I would like to call a Wing Commander Tash. You know the ones, looks like he waxes the end of it an all that, but it is a fair size, verging on Seth the bloke from Emerdale. Why? He is bald do you think this could be significant? Was Seth Bald?

I was in the gym last night. Don't get me wrong I am hardly a "fitness fanatic" merely a New Years Resolutionary trying to maintain some level of fitness as head forthright into my thirties.
In the gym you get the standard fat people, desperate housewives, sport billies and fellow resolutionaries all of whom although perhaps different are all fairly standard bods. Then you get the "Muscle Heads" some are just fat blokes with big fat shoulders as if their tummy's had just moved up, they all love a vest or these rediculous pygama bottoms, caps on backwards or worse bandana's and of course the stautory weight belt and/or gloves with no fingers. What concerns me more is the colour of these lumps, not in a racial way more in Tango Taste Sensation kind of way - they are all orange, why is that? Combine that with third division footballers asymetric mohawk with a bleached white tip like some snowy outcrop at the peak of a man mountain and you have effectively got 16 stone of supressed sexuallity masquerading as a mans man - these freaks make me sick? I think anyone who looks like that is modern Britains version of a Grecho wrestler and they regularly shaft each other after a good birch whipping in the steam room!!
Not only that it's like when the big boys where playing on the swings and they wouldn't let you have a go - okay I just want to use the free weights and i feel uncomfortable when they are there so i use this blog to vent - sorry!

It could be for a multitude of reason's:-
1) Height - to tall/short.
2) Weight - to heavy/light
3) Hair - bald/blond/ginger/curly/dandruff/greasy etc
4) Clothes - tragically hip or just tragic
5) Demeanour - to happy/sad
6) Bossy
7) Shy

Don't get me wrong i know lots of short, fat, balding, ginger, unfashionable, sad, bossy and shy people, who i actually adore - but sometimes certain people just really bug me for no apparent reason so one of the above just becomes my apex of hate - examples:-
"I hate him he's tall"
"Look at her she's always happy - she makes me sick"
"He looks like he could with a good dinner the skinny so and so"
"She really get's on my nerves because she is so shy and introverted".

Well why is it?
Am I just hate filled??

Am I an evil heartless beast? Do I not have an ounce of sentiment in my soul? Not sure! However I think people just deal with death in different ways - Example Girlfriends Grand Mother dies and whilst working away I have to endure approx 25 x sobbing phone calls which where bairly audible over the floods of tears and gasps of breath. I in my way initially began by offering my condolences and shoulder to cry on - how many tears can you shed!!?
She wasn't young, she didn't have her life ahead of her, she was 93 - I say not bad well done - didn't quite get to raise your bat or the telegram from her madge but not bad - in the end i just became a little bored of it all - People will always mourn the passing of loved ones, but they aint coming back - sort the funeral - raise a glass - let the memories live forever and move on.
There is always another nightmare round the corner save your energy for that!!

Not all women but most, I bet there are some women who do genuinely look for positives in negative situations, and I am sure there are some women who you could say something to whilst drunk and they wouldn't hold it against you or emotionally blackmail you with it for the rest of your life, or until you get to the point where you can know longer be bothered to listen to them, you have realised they have put some weight on and have entered the "comfort zone" which isn't good, that you have begun fancy other chicks more and all of a sudden they're shit just isn't worth taking and it is time they hassled someone else and just when you have plucked up the courage to tell the to stick it where they would never let you, you begin to have doubts, you begin to realise you are doing exactly what they do and blowing one thing that perhaps you are responsible for out of proportion and letting drive you mad. So you just carry on looking for temporary happiness again and wondering - maybe i am emotionally fragile.....